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​t o m o r r o w



T H E  ' S '  W O R D

​By Anonymous
​​
from far away
she calls me
voice cracking

"your brother
he locked himself in the bathroom"

from far away
i hold my breath
board games in my head
phone to my ear

"the medics are on their way"

from far away
weekend morning tv shows
make her words turn off

"they're breaking down the door"

from far away
birthday songs
preparing for the worst

"we're at the hospital now"

from far away
play-acting at grandma's house
pretending this isn't real

"they're pumping your brother's stomach"

from far away
playground swings zoom
in the sky
and from now on
chocolate ice cream pie
will taste like
induced vomit

"i'm so glad you picked up the phone"

i'm lost
in the park
on our bicycles
in pop song parodies
remote control fights
dressing up as ghosts

"i'm sorry you had to hear all this"

a decade
sharing his room
on our walls
superheroes
in tracing paper
and she says
in her voice soft

"good night sweetheart
try to get some sleep"

from far away
i can't forgive her
for calling me
making me listen
creating images
that are now carved on my brain
she knew I was sleeping
a different time zone
and she says

"this isn't good
for my anxiety"

from far away
belly laughs
and fart jokes
now replaced
by his hospital gown

"it was a cry for help
that's what the doctor said"

from far away
her screams
fear devouring my face
and she calls again
in her voice harsh

"he'll be okay
thank god thank god
but don't tell anyone
you hear me?"

from far away
i won't tell my friends
about the broken bathroom door
i won't say the 's' word

"i'll pay for your flight home
tell them it's a family thing"

from far away
everything is fine

"i'll pick you up at the airport"

from far away
during takeoff
i cry
for the first time

from far away
i see them
waiting
the terminal is packed
he's standing
behind her
eyes down
i haven't rehearsed
what to say
what are the right words?
the wrong words?
the worst words
the words that will harm
words that might send him back
and she turns
to him
​
"say hi to your brother"

from far away
my cry for help
she can't hear


​With sincere gratitude to the person who
submitted this poem to Unsilence.


THE 'S' WORD, published here by Unsilence
anonymously and with full permission,
accompanies our interactive feature TOMORROW.
​
Copyright 2019. All Rights Reserved.


RESOURCES ON SUICIDE  >
TOMORROW:
AN INTERACTIVE STORY  >
BRIAN:
​A MOTHER'S TESTIMONY  >
INTO MY ARMS:
​A TEACHER'S TESTIMONY  >
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  • ABOUT
    • ABOUT UNSILENCE
    • FRAMEWORK
    • DEFINITIONS
    • PEOPLE
    • 10 YEAR REPORT
    • HELP & SUPPORT
    • CONTACT
  • EXPERIENCE
    • INTERACTIVE FEATURES >
      • THE SISTERHOOD
      • OXYGEN
      • TOMORROW
      • THE 19TH WINDOW
      • HIDDEN PAGES
      • I SAW EVERYTHING
      • THE SON
      • IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HANDS
      • SECRETS
    • POETRY & STORIES >
      • I BELIEVE YOU
      • FAIRY TALE
      • BEDTIME STORIES
      • THE 'S' WORD
      • BRIAN
      • INTO MY ARMS
      • HAND HOLDING
      • SOUNDLESS ROAR
      • GHOSTS OF AUSCHWITZ
      • SOMETHING MISSING AT TREBLINKA
      • NEVER HEARD
      • TRAIN
  • PROGRAMS
    • AVAILABLE PROGRAMS
    • PAST PROGRAMS & PARTNERS
    • PROGRAM INQUIRIES
  • FOR EDUCATORS
    • OVERLAPPING TRIANGLES
    • THE 19TH WINDOW GUIDE
    • HIDDEN PAGES GUIDE
    • I SAW EVERYTHING GUIDE
    • THE SON GUIDE
    • TRAIN READERS GUIDE
    • TOMORROW GUIDE
    • HAND HOLDING GUIDE